All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize