I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
