Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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