Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
