If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
