Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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