How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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