I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Two words: blizzard sex
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
