Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
