You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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