i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
