I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
