Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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