No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize