my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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