I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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