took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
