Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
