I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
