I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
