What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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