He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
