Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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