i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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