You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
