A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
