I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
