apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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