woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
