I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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