I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
