I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
