either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
