Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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