I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
