I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
