careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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