hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
