You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
