mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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