Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
