I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
