Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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