It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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