These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
