she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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