TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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