So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
