Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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