Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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