this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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