The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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