I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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