Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
