I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
