youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
