Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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