she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i think my cat just said my name.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
