My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
