She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
