i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
