so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
