not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
