My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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