two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
