Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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