goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
