I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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