I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
