My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
