I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
