I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
