I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You pole danced in your parka.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
