She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Terrible idea I love it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
