And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
