tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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