i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
